Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
