I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
