He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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