Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
