ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
