Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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