What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
