Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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