My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
