i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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