he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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