new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
