I need help removing her.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
