I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
