I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize