you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
