I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
