all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
