i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
