She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize