You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize