There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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