I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize