Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
porn star boner night. come get it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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