She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
