I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize