Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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