do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
