He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize