hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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