Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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