I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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