Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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