didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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