I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
