I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Drake has all the answers
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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