I'm going to rape someone's good day.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
