I am midnight drunk by noon
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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