why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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