I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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