Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
