After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
