Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
