Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's shark week go big or go home
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
