I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
