standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
