I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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