Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my liver is dry heaving
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
