My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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