Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
