Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Two words: blizzard sex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
