Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
