I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
