so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
