Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
