Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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