I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
