It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im calling her cock vulture from now on
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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