took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
