Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
