Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
