We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
youre lurking in front of me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
