There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
