i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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