I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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