I bet he comes in French.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize