as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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