i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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