Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
