I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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