I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We need to rekindle our bromance
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
